Edward's Pain
by xxAlicexBrandonxCullenxx
Summary: A little story on Edward's thoughts when Bella is changing. Written before Breaking Dawn... Edward's point of view. Just a little one-shot. Don't expect any more chapters. Rated T just to be safe. Thanks to my beta, supernaturalgurl-12 who is supernatural


A/N: As some say, this is Stephenie's sandbox. I just came and played in it... I'll get out, I promise.

Okay, this is a one shot of Edward's point of view when Bella gets changed. It was written before the release of Breaking Dawn and has been beta-ed by the wonderful supernaturalgurl-12. She is truly amazing (check out her stories!), but needs to update her story badly! A lot of the information is different from Breaking Dawn, but it is still very interesting to see what Edward thinks. Of course, this is in Edward's point of view. Enjoy! Let me know what you think!

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Carlisle inserted the IV into Bella's arm, so he would be able to inject morphine into her body. Although we didn't know if it would ease her pain, it was worth a try. I knew she didn't like the needles, but she tried not to flinch. Instead, she curled closer into my chest, her arm held out to Carlisle, until he announced he had finished. She relaxed slightly, before he nodded for me to begin. I already knew that I had to bite her neck; it would be the quickest, least painful way. I wanted to be the one to patch my angel up afterward, in an attempt to make amends for the sin I was committing, but if it became too much, I knew I could call Carlisle.

"I love you," I whispered lightly into her ear, my lips brushing against her skin. It was warm to my cold touch; it was the way I wanted it to feel for the rest of my life.

"I love you, too." The last sounds of her heart beating life resounded in my ears.

I kissed her soft skin, starting with her palm and working my way to her neck. I could feel her blood pulsing beneath the skin at her neck, and in spite of my better reasoning, I bit into her soft, delicate skin. My teeth pierced her jugular vain, and the venom started its three day course throughout her body, doing the one thing I had feared since the moment I met her. She screamed at the pain of what was happening; the conversion from human to vampire was one of my most painful memories, and I knew what she was feeling. I sucked enough blood from her body to ensure my venom would spread. I patched up her wound, her piercing screams of agony filling my every thought. I tried to calm her, but nothing seemed to help. I knew it was a worthless effort; she wouldn't be able to control herself.

Each ear-piercing scream cut me deeper than the last. I was the one who caused her so much pain. I really was the monster she never saw in me. I did this. I vowed at that moment that I would never cause her so much pain again, no matter what. I knew that I would have to make certain sacrifices but I knew it was worth it; that she was worth it.

Whenever Bella would look at me, I would see her beautiful brown eyes that I would miss slowly turning the red that I hate. I knew that she would be thirsty; not yet for blood, that would come later. I wanted to get her something, but I didn't want to leave her side, and my need to stay with her prevailed.

"Edward, please just kill me!" she begged as she thrashed around, the IV tugging in her arm. I held her arms against my marble body, waiting for Emmett to come.

"Love, I can't do that. I love you. It's going to be okay." I brushed a strand of hair off her face, wondering how I could tell her that last part. I didn't know what was going to happen to her, let alone how I was going to get through this transformation. It was only day one out of three, and I was already going crazy with worry.

Just then, everyone in the house came. Bella saw them and yelled for them to get out, but they didn't obey her. Emmett held her legs to stop them thrashing all over the place. She controlled them after; either that, or he had them in a tight hold. Alice tried to soothe her, whispering reassurances to her, but she didn't succeed; Bella probably couldn't hear her soft voice over her screams of agony. Rosalie wasn't a nice person to be around at the moment. She was still upset that Bella chose our life over her human one. She would have traded almost anything to have her human life back, and she hated that Bella was just throwing away the one thing she craved.

Carlisle and Esme looked at each other, wondering what to do. They knew that Emmett and I had a good hold of Bella, managing to keep her still. They also knew that any attempt at soothing her would be useless. Bella wouldn't be able to hear them, anyway. Vampire hearing came on the last day, as did her eyesight, and it was on the third day that her heart would stop altogether.

Jasper tried his hardest to calm Bella down, but it was useless. Exhausted, he walked out of the room with Alice and Rosalie.

"Emmett, please kill me." Bella was so desperate now that she begged anyone who would listen, even Emmett. I shot Emmett a death glare while he was thinking.

"Sorry, no can do, Bella. Edward would kill me and then kill himself, which wouldn't do anyone any good, now would it?" He knew, along with the rest of the family, that I couldn't live without Bella. She's the joy in my life. I couldn't live without her when I went away, nevertheless now. We were inseparable; the only time I left her side was when I had to hunt.

"Someone please kill me!" This wasn't her talking, it was the unbearable pain. I didn't know how I was going to get through the next two days.

Finally, Bella passed out from the exhaustion. Emmett left, but he said that he would be there when she woke up or if she moved.

I watched Bella sleep, another one of the things that I would missed about her. I knew that there was only two more days of sleep left for her now.

"It hurts! Ow! Please kill me." Even in her sleep, she was begging for someone to take her life away, because I could not.

Day one was finally over after what seemed like an eternity. I wanted so bad for this to be over. I couldn't stand seeing my true love in this much pain.

Bella woke up soon after midnight, screaming once again. Emmett came to hold her down, as she once again began thrashing around. She continued yelling pleading for the pain to end. I was surprised that her voice never gave up. It never seemed to tire.

I knew that I was a monster for damning her to this. I hated to accept that about myself, but I did the best I could at being one. I had animals instead of humans, and tried my hardest to be a good person. And now it was all in vain, for I had hurt the one person I cared about the most.

Bella kept screaming and begging everyone she saw to kill her. It cut a new wound in me each time she asked someone or screamed. I was the monster doing this to her. I killed her. I did this.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I love you. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." I truly was sorry, and I also loved her. I knew that she wouldn't respond back. She was in too much pain to refrain from screaming. Beneath the screams, I knew that she loved me too. Her last human words came into my mind.

Carlisle came to refill the morphine pump. Bella asked him too to kill her, but he said that he wouldn't do such a thing. She meant the world to our family.

_Edward, you need to do something. She is begging people to kill her. It's normal, but you may want to hold her down more. After this stage, she may try to kill herself. Hold her down more. I'll call Emmett to get her legs if you want to. Nod your head yes._ My gosh, Carlisle had a lot of thoughts. He usually left me alone when I was as depressed as I am. I guess that he knew why because he responded with another thought after I nodded my head. _Edward, she wanted this, you know that. You are not a monster. She wanted this to happen. She wanted it from you. You are not a monster. I did this to you. Does that make me a monster? You didn't tell me you thought that. I'm going now, but if you hold yourself responsible for 'killing' her, then you hold me responsible for doing the same to you. I'll go get Emmett, but think about what I said. _

Carlisle walked out of the room then to get Emmett. He soon arrived, flanked by Rosalie. I didn't know why Rose was here, but I knew that she would just cause trouble. She didn't like Bella, especially not after Bella's decision to be immortal. She hated it; almost as much as I did..

Emmett just stayed quiet the entire time. Rosalie contemplated walking out of the room, frustrated that Emmett wouldn't talk to her. Bella, of course, asked Rosalie and Emmett to kill her. Rosalie was thinking about the positives, but Emmett told her no.

"Rosalie, if Bella dies, you know what happens to me," I reminded her. "This time it would be your entire fault again." She didn't like to be reminded about what happened in Volterra because she knew it was her fault that I went there. Bella forgave Rosalie immediately, but I didn't. She knew that I still held a grudge against her because of what happened.

"Bella, I won't do that to you. Edward would kill himself, and I would be at fault." Rosalie seemed to say that with some level of believable emotion, a first for her. Proud of herself, she walked out of the room.

Bella continued to scream, each time cutting a deeper wound into me. Just the fact that I did this made me a monster. I caused her this much pain. I hurt her after I promised her I wouldn't.

As if he knew what I was thinking, Carlisle came into the room and told me that it wasn't my fault. I knew he wanted to walk with me, but he couldn't. Currently, I was helping Emmett hold Bella down. Tomorrow, though, this would be impossible. Bella will have amazing strength. She will be able to break through both of our holds. Even today, it was getting harder to contain her thrashing arms and legs.

At about 11:00 that night, she finally passed out. Carlisle came into the room to once again refill her pump. He was getting worried that she even begged unknown people to kill her in her sleep. We all knew that this would not be a good sign at all.

Alice came into the room just after midnight to say that Bella would be okay, but she would need to hunt as soon as she got up. We all agreed that we would go on a hunting trip once she woke up for the last time in her existence.

When Bella finally woke up, Alice sent Emmett and Carlisle into the room to help me keep her down. She thrashed against everything and everyone, because the venom was getting to her heart, slowly and painfully, killing the part of her that still remained human. It also fixed all of the physical features of her, and painfully.

By 10:00, Bella passed out for the last time. Her heartbeats began to slow until they stopped altogether. The sound of the final beat echoed through my head, and was forever etched in my memory.

It was just on noon when Bella woke up thirsty. Her crimson red eyes burned into mine, making me forget everything. She was beautiful beyond comparison. Even Rosalie couldn't compare to her beauty.

"Edward, I'm sorry for what happened. It hurt," were the first words out of her mouth. She was so amazing.

"It's okay," I reassured her, kissing her forehead. "How do you feel?"

"There's a burning in the back of my throat. What is that?" I knew that it didn't hurt her, but it burned.

"Love, you're hungry. Come on, let's hunt!"

And together we ran, hand in hand, as I knew we would remain for the rest of eternity.

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